I still remember the day we met on the bus travelling from Montego Bay to Kingston.
I still remember your visit to my bedside in the hospital 3 days after we first met, the gift you brought is still the biggest, sweetest and nicest basket of flowers I have ever gotten.
I don’t recall you proposing to me for marriage, but I do remember the vows and the kiss that silenced the world that I was now your woman.
I had so many big dreams and expectation of our life together , how we would wear matching clothes, take vacations together, do practically everything together.
The question is, have we done anything together?
I don’t recall us discussing our family plans at the start, neither did we discuss how many children we wanted, however here we are with two (2) wonderful angels, thirteen (13) years later.
Yet still, what have we really done together?
You have been my hero, my knight in shining armour, the wind beneath my wings, and I could quote a few more lyrics, but this for me is real and I don’t want to water it down.
You never fail to remember my birthday, come at my beck and call, and supported me on every major career move.
But still, what have we done together?
You have been a fabulous, supportive, caring, loving , exemplary father to the children. It warms my heart to see their reaction the moment you walk through the door. I listen to our son speak and the things he does when you are not around makes me realise you have planted good seeds in him that will bear good fruit. Our daughter obviously adores you, and I smile when I see how she clings to you, know that in time to come you will definitely be her hero and the model of the husband she will desire to have.
I admire your strength, courage, aspirations and progress. I often feel like a proud mama, but its nicer being the proud wife, (in this case). Congrats again for always moving your goal post and definitely achieving that which you set out to do.
Remarkably, I admire your resilence, and how you took on the task of learning German, the many sleepless nights and several attempts to get me to learn as well. You took the initiative and you went as far as german school to ensure your are certified.
After 16 years of friendship and 13 years of marriage relationship, I ask myself , “ do I really know you?”
Other questions that come are: “ who are you really?” “ are we just convenience?” “ do we(myself and the children) really mean anything to you ?”
Your love and commitment for your extended family – your mother, your sisters, your brother and your nieces, is quite vivid. They know they can depend on you as much as you know you can depend on them.
Having so much positives, its really not so much of a big issue the negatives that exist. The problem with the few that exists is the pain it causes me.
You are always there for me, but I never see an opportunity created for me to be there for you.
Each time I feel I have reached a level where you have opened up to me, love and trust me enough to be naked yet not ashamed with, you give me the big shock that I have either not yet reached the level, or have been disqualified with no possibility of a second chance.
“Do I fight, do I push, do I walk away or do I just give up?”
I know I love you but of late, I wonder if love just a figment of my imagination?
You may never truly understand the sufferings and pain in my heart, and just so you know I am putting it in print form finally, so you would know, that, telling me you love me, is simply just not enough if your actions and words do not coincide.
The difficult times are where our actions speak louder than our words.
I worry that you may never take the time to read my letter, and as such this is just a therapeutic way for me to flush my system and attempt to move on with you.
Otherwise, if you do read, know you have been my hero, my biggest cheerleader, my lover, my friend, my torn, my pain, my laughter, my joy, my true happiness. You make me cry, you make me feel like giving up, you make me feel like quitting. But I am a strong woman, a committed wife, a nurturing mother and a prayerful partner. I desire to be admitted into your secret society called your heart, where I get first hand notice, first thoughts, first reactions to your crucial moves.
In short I want to be your wife, your confidant, your friend and hopefully your hero.
From: Your Wife of 13 years (August 6, 2016).